Worry Wart

I want to be peaceful and serene and let things roll off my back, but I think I just have to come to terms with the fact that I am a walking bundle of neurosis. I am not now nor have I ever been the type of person who can just switch off my brain and go with the flow; I analyze things to the point where I think I'm going mad, and I constantly worry myself into panic attacks.
For example: last night I sat up in bed and worried about why my nails aren't growing. Yes, you heard right. I worried about my nails not being long enough to get a French manicure for my best friend's wedding which is taking place four months from now. There are so many things I worry about that I walk around with Deer In The Headlights look permanently etched on my face. (I believe this look might also be the reason why I can't seem to get a date.)
I have tried everything to calm down: herbal teas, aromatherapy massages, meditation, but they have all left me broke and stressed out. I worried that I'd bought the wrong type of tea, worried that the aromatherapy was damaging my skin, and the meditation? I sat for an hour worrying that I wasn't achieving the so called state of bliss that everyone talks about fast enough.
I want my serenity now dammit! I want to go to sleep at night and not have to worry that I will toss and turn. I want to be able to shut down and drift off for eight hours and not wake up in a panic at two in the morning and have to pace around my house to calm myself down. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I waste so much time worrying about things and why can't I stop? I want to be one of those people who never lets anything get them down, and who sees challenges as molehills and not mountains, and I have no idea how to change.
Okay, this getting bad. I'm worrying about worrying. I should have a big Help Me sign plastered on my forehead.